Send in your JOKES

Title of Your Joke

Jokes

in Liberia

God first white person

When God made white man he said dame it i left one fresh like a cow throat.

yo ROMEO AGAIN!!                                          

A pastor pregnants his co worker, his house boy John knew but John kept it as a secret cuz he thought he will be in need of it one day.  One day bible study was scheduled at the pastor's place. While the people were waiting the pastor was gonna get his wine,but John drank the wine and hid in the bathroom the pastor didn`t know, so he want to get it but the glass was empty.  He said, JOHN(1), John said yes boss. He said again JOHN(2) John said yes boss.  He said who drank my wine?  John didn`t say anything. He went and got John pull him into the livingroom, and said why u didn`t aswer me?  John said when ur in the bathroom someone called u, you heard it the first and second time but you didn't have thire time. They got mad and went to try it.  John said PASTOR(1)he said yes,  John said PASTOORRRRRR!!(2)he said yes. JOHN SAID WHO PREGNANT THE CO WORKER? he i do need to fixed that place!!1

God's First Black Person

What did God say when he saw the first black person?  Damnit...I burnt one!

Romeo!!!!       

A man in new york boasted bout his wife bein faitful in thier relation.so one time his friends decided to see his home and his faithful wife, while coming his wife invited her boyfriend over too have sex he with his friends. he said u see that kicthen thats my kicthen, u see that table thats my taaable.u see that woman thats my wife u see that man over her thatsmy spirit.

3 feet

3 feet  waiting for 3 feet on 3 feet

Arab man at the airport:

An Arab man arrives at the airport.  The security officer asked him; _name? He answered; _Abdul Hassan.  Officer asked, _sex sir?  He answered; _Three to five times a day.  Officer said, _No, no...I mean male or female? He answered; _Male,female,sometimes camel.  Officer said, _Holy cow!  He said; _Yes cow,sheep,animals in general.  Officer asked; _But isnt that hostile?  He answered; _Horse style,doggy style,any style.  officer said; _Oh dear!  He answered; _No, no! Deer run too fast...

African Police

A man closed from work and was in his home watching TV when armed robbers broke into his house.  The man got the phone and called the police for help.  The officer asked him, did you call the robbers?  The man replied, No!! The officer asked, do you have a car? The man aswered, yes.  The officer asked, do you have a job? The man aswered, yes a very good job...now will you please send someone here fast!!  The Police Officer said; Ok arrest and bring them to our station we will lock them up for you.     

Nigeria Crimes

Unless a man is caught over a dead body and says yes! I did it.  You will NEVA find the KILLA! 

"Beautiful Heaven"

There was a time when a certain young man was admitted into Heaven. Heaven was so beautiful, the entire streets were all in gold and all thoes that were there wore white robes and woship God every hour. There was totally peace, no crying, no death, no sickness. Everything in this wonderful place was ful of delight. This young man began to walk all over the place to take a glance for the second day. He arrived to the tenth gate; this was when he met an Angel with a firey sword commanding the gate. This young man spoke to the Angel and from there, he began to ask series of question. He then asked the Angel, "Angel what is that place on the other side" The Angel replied; That place is hell. The young man asked again."Buttt I can see people dancing, drinking and everyone seems happy and having a feastival. That place is looking lively; but here (Heaven) we only eat once a day and just praying to this one pappie; this area is boreing. "Please good Angel could you permit me to

  cross over to see exactly what is going on there?. The Angel finally agreed. The Angel warned the young man that the time you want to cross over, is 4:00 P.M. (Heavenly time)You have only two hours. You have to be here exact 6:00 P.M. because my shift will vbe ending and my colleague will be taking over from me. A gate pass was issued to this young man. He signed it with delight and went over the other side. This guy was enjoying the pleasure in hell, 5:00 P.M came and passed, 6:00 P.M came and passed. He finally appeared at the gate at 8:35 P.M. He met another strange Angel. He then asked, where is your colleague? the Angel replied, he has left. Is there anything you want me to do for you, the young man answered; my name is in that signing log could you take a glance/. Tjhe Angel told him that he is late and everyone has gone to woship. The young man replied, I know this but all I want for you to do for me , is to pass me my luggages I want to go back opver there. That pla

ce is very lively. The Angel passed his luggages over to him and this young man was gone. A hint to the wise is quiet sufficient"

Not Enough

The Little Johnny comes home from his first day at school. His mother asks, "What did you learn today?" The Little Johnny replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

Beard

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh Sam, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

Sam replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...  "Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night Sam crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

Some need-to-know words in Liberia

Ahh or Aye - Surprise, Baa - Friend, Kah - Come, Eee - Eat, Oiw - Oil, Foke - Fork, Pepe - Pepper, Heah - Here, Deh - There, Lec - Like, Moe - Move, Fover - forever, Erabody - Everybody, Mik candy - Milk candy, Faryan - Farina, Casao lef - Cassava Leaf, Conpetor - Computer, Emay - Email, Res - Rice, Wek - Work

Final Exams

This day a Biology teacher was giving his final exams to his class.  He had told them to draw a female organ.  One of the students spotted his classmate bending under herself to see what it looked like.  The student immediately shouted out pointing at the spying student; teacher!! teacher!!! she is copying from the original!!!!!!!

I Tricked Him

This day Kumba goes out to play with her friends.  At the play ground she meets this boy, the same age.  They talk about climbing trees.  The boy says to Kumba; ok go and climb that tree.  Kumba climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to her under pants.  After a while Kumba goes home and tells her mum about what happened.  Her mum says; oh my stupid daughter he just stood there and watched your under pants. The next day she goes out again with another dress on and meets the same boy again.  He tells her to climb again and she did.  When she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: my stupid daughter he just stood there and watched your under pants.  Than Kumba replies to her mother with excitement;  No mum!!! actually, I tricked him.  This time, l did not wear any under pants.

True Lie

Musu: Are you sure you love me and no one else?

Tamba:  Honey, I checked the entire list yesterday again and no one else

Marriage Certificate

A man sits down for hours stirring at his marriage certificate.  His wife comes in and asks, what are you doing?  He replies, I am looking for the Expiring Date.

I did it

Bobby came to America, trying to make friends.  He went to a bar this day for few drinks.  He needed to use the men's room later. Walks into the room not paying attention slips into a vomit, while cleaning himself up, a man walks into to room and slips into the same vomit.  Oh yeah, said Bobby, I did it.  The guy gets up and punches him in the face.............. (Bobby meant he himself slipped in it too)

In the Beginning

In the Beginning, God created the Earth and rested.  Then he created man and he rested.  Then God created a woman.  Since than, neither God nor Man have rested.

Corrupt Soldiers

A king was touring his kingdom when he saw a fisherman with a golden fish.The princess fell in love with this fish and asked her parents to get it from the fisherman.The king asked the fisherman the cost of the fish, the man was so happy he told the king to have it free. The king refused to take it free but promise the man to give him $30 millions euro.The man was given two weeks to collect his money. He got dressed in his best robe, reaching the gate the man was stopped the soldiers on the ground he should sign a deal given them(soldiers) 50% of the amount. The deal was reached by the fisherman.On the next day the king called a big festival to present the rewards/price. The fisherman called the soldiers according to the deal. The king presented the money but the fisherman refused the money and only request 50 lashes on his bear back.The king agreed. the fisherman presented the paper(deal)to the king, and asked that all those that signed the deal should be given 50 each.

The soldiers were all forced to take the 50 lashes each..........Stanley Nebo...........

A Spanish Thief and the Confessional Box

There had been constant burglary in the Catholic church.  The homeless Spanish men who are predominantly Catholics are in the constant habit of entering the church with the pretext of going to pray.  After mass, they will hide in the confessional box and when the priest closes the church they will steal the golden chalice and valuable sacramental's. A smart priest in the parish decided to put a stop to this ungodly attitude by making sure that he inspects the corners of the church including the confession room.  So, one day while on his routine tour he met a Spanish man in the confession room, the priest asked him what he was doing there at the time of the day, the Spanish man said " I came to confession." The priest said no, no this is not time for confession,  get out!!

The Church Thief

A man was in the constant habit of stealing church collections placed near the statute of Mary.  Every day when he is broke he will to the collection box and say Ma Mary, today I broke, I just taking few dollar for me to buy something to eat.  He continue the same habit day in and day out.  So, the Priest of the Church observes that the collection is dwindling and assigned a nun to hide behind the statute.  When the man came with his usual habit of stealing, he said, Ma Mary da your son- again -o, today a-han got nothing to eat so I taking few dallar to buy food.  The Statute answered, no my son its too much now, don't take anything from the collection. The man was terrified and ran outside thinking that statute that was silent had spoken to him.

Saint Peter and the Rooster

As all christians know Saint Peter in the bible said he will never deny Jesus but Jesus said, "Peter before the cock crows you will deny me three times and of course Peter denied Jesus three times as it was told.  The day of judgement came.  All the righteous have to pass through a gate to go to heaven and Peter was in charge of that gate.  So, when people where about to enter the gate, Peter will stop them saying "you are murderer, a thief, a prostitute, a cheat and so on so forth.  So, a smart man from Liberia Knew the story of Peter and the Cock (Rooster) in the Bible, so he collected a cock and hid it under his shirt and stood on the line.  While, approaching the gate, Peter said to the man you were dealing with black money you can't enter heaven.  The Liberian man said, Peter I beg you, but Peter insisted.  The man said, Peter look, I got something to show you, Peter said what! the Liberian man showed him the cock (Rooster), Peter was perplexed and said to the man enter but don't tell anybody.

Mumu

A man wanted to prove to his friend how much of a mumu his son Okon is,so he called, Okon! come and go check if am in the office.  Hurriedly the son left and he came back to tell his father.  Papa when I got to your office I saw a man and I asked if you were around and he said no but papa I suspect he was lying. 

Stammering Teacher

An stammerer elementary school teacher wanted to teach his class the names of some water-loving animals. He wrote: Crocodile and Hippopotamus on the black board.

"N-n-n-ow re-re-pe-pe-peat af-af-aft-t-ter me" Then he said "cro-roc-roc-co-co-dile"

"Cro-roc-roc-co-co-dile" the class intoned after him.

"N-n-no, d-d-don't s-a-y it, it, it li-li-like th-th-that" he protested.

But after three unsuccessful trials, he abandoned the idea to proceed to regular teaching

Ma Musu the Gossiper

Ma Musu was the town's respected biggest gossiper,she would spread false rumours just to gain attention to herself, whether true or not.

One day, Mr.Moses went to the bar for few minutes,he came out and Ma Musu confronted him saying she would tell the whole town that he is a drunk(even though she knew he wasn't) Mr. Moses just stared and left her standing on the side walk without a word.

That night,he drove his truck to her house and left it there till morning.

Passport To Heaven

Group of Elementary school students were in a lecture hall.  One of the students raised his hands to ask a question.  When he was recognized, he asked' what part of the body go to heaven?  Right away this other boy with much excitement jumped up "me me me I know the answer".  When he was recognized, he said; it's the feet because in the night when we are asleep, my mom be screaming "oh yes Lord I'm coming"

FISHER MAN

A fisher man at his age of 25 went to sea for six months.  On his return home he begun to walk like waves of the sea.   Wiggling his arms and body left, right, down ward and up ward.  Three days after his return, his 45 years old father, saw his son's movement and got concern asking.  Son why are you walking like this?  His son replied, "its the six months on the fishing boat on sea got me walking like this.  Than his father laughed and said to him, look at me!  I have spent 20 years with your mother and there is no back and front movements in my walking but if you spend 1 year with your wife you will both have the sea waves back and front walk.

Letter to Santa

A little boy wrote to Santa and said.... dear Santa for  Christmas can you sent me a brother? and Santa replied, sent me your mother.

My Kru Friend

In 1979 the world's largest ship came to Liberia. They were hiring laborers for some work on the ship, but we had to fill out an application form. On the form, there were blanks to be filled out. One blank was: SEX:________. My kru friend filled SEX:5 times a day. In school he did not know that sex refered to as gender. After we submitted the forms, few minutes later about 7pm, we were eating food in those flat plates that needed fokes. He had difficulty picking the food from the plate and a sexy girl came and asked him: Do you want foke? He replied, YES, immediately after dinner!

Garden of Eden

My Pastor said that if Eve was chinese, we wouldn't be seating here in church every day because she would have eaten the apple and the dame snake.  That way, there wouldn't be any deceiving from it.